Debra Landes

Debra (Debby) Kay Landes

A Tribute to My Wife and Best Friend – Randall (Randy) Joseph Landes

(If it seems too long…I wrote if for her!)

Debby was born in Kansas City, MO, in March of 1961 to parents John and Joan. Her brother, John, Jr., had been born four years earlier, during a brief period when the family lived in California. Upon returning to the Kansas City metropolitan area, Debby’s family settled in Raytown, MO. Her father ran his own commercial painting company while mother worked at the service desk at Kmart.

Debby’s childhood was rich with family fun, a neighborhood full of friends, and what she described as the "best parents in the world." As the younger sister, she was very much a “Daddy’s girl,” often to the chagrin of her older brother John, who felt she always "got away with everything." As the siblings grew older, John maintained his bond with his little sister “Snarfy” always “checking in,” even as the paths of their lives diverged. Throughout her life, she maintained a close relationship with Mom talking to her almost every day and Dad, who would often call to let us know the Royals or Chiefs “came in second” that day.

Some of Debby’s cherished childhood memories included dance recitals at the Jimmie DeFore Dance Studio, participating in the cheer squad, and running track. Family activities included drive-in movies, fishing with her dad, camping and swimming at Lake Paradise, celebrating birthdays and holidays with her mom, and collecting Barbies. The family enjoyed taking trips to Pleasanton, KS to visit elder relatives, Des Moines, IA to see her maternal grandmother, Jacksonville, FL for family vacations with her paternal grandparents and interactions with Sparks’ side of the family.

Debby also relished spending time with her nephews, Ryan, Sean, and Chad, and her niece, Nicole, although she regretted not having more time with them as they grew older, got married, and had children of their own. Nevertheless, they always remained close to her heart.

After we got married, Debby charmed my family and developed special bonds with my aunts Rosalie, Mary Joe, Judy, Marilyn, and Uncle Walter, with whom she anchored our family dinners, always being the last to finish eating.

Caretaker

Beginning in her mid-twenties, Debby embraced the role of the family's caretaker, starting with her beloved Grandpa Al and Grandma Marg. Over the ensuing years, she performed as an angel on earth providing companionship and comfort, tirelessly providing essential services like cleaning, medical assistance, hospital visits, grocery shopping, prescription management, and nursing home support. Her unwavering dedication benefited her Father John, Mother Joan, Mother-in-law Alma, Aunt Margie, and cherished neighbors Paul and Marjorie Scott. Debby's sacrifices were boundless, often placing the needs of those she loved above her own, demonstrating the depth of her love and commitment.

Friends

Debby maintained many positive relationships throughout her life, including childhood friends, Kmart kids, our mutual high school friends, former boyfriends who never got over her, work friends, and neighbors (She was always the Block Mother!). As time passed, we moved, and her health declined, her close circle shrank to four special friends: Laurie, her childhood best friend; Shawna, the mother of her son’s childhood best friend and co-queen of the five-hour lunch; my cousin Debbie, to whom she provided love and support; and her daughter-in-law, Carolanne. She was well known amongst this group for her cheerful texts full of emojis and GIFs.

Our Story

I first met Debby at my friend's apartment in December of 1982, where I was visiting to share a piece of my 21st birthday cake. She happened to be there with him, and as it turned out, it was love at first sight, though I didn't realize it at the time. She could have chosen anyone, yet for some reason, she chose me. Over the next few months, she ended things with my friend, and our 42-year love affair began.

At that time, we both lived with our parents. I would sneak her into my mom's house, and we would camp out in her room at her parents' place. Unfortunately for her, this was also the period when I was "in a band." She patiently endured endless practice sessions (very few gigs), off pitch singing, and my torturous bass guitar fumbling. Within a year, I quit the band, and we moved in together at a friend's house that included a mother-in-law addition. We both worked blue-collar jobs, me at a local nursing home and Debby at various restaurants. Though we were poor, we were happy and fully independent. During this time, we adopted our first cat – Skyler (the mean one).

A few years later, I returned to school to finish my business degree while Debby held down the fort. After graduation, we moved south to a new one-bedroom apartment, and in 1989 I took a job with the City of Kansas City, MO. Debby continued to support us by working at Tippin's restaurant while I worked my way up the municipal ladder.

In 1994, encouraged by my dear friend Earnest, we eloped to Las Vegas with my childhood best friend Geoff and his girlfriend Peggy to get married on 09/04/94, a date chosen for me not to forget our anniversary. Shortly thereafter, I earned my master's degree. In 1996, our son, Austin, was born, and we moved across the parking lot to a two-bedroom unit. In 1998, we bought our first house in the Red Bridge area, less than half a mile from the apartment complex.

The period from 1998 to 2008 turned out to be our golden era, though we didn't realize it at the time. It was the perfect blend of family, neighborhood camaraderie, cherished friendships, and relative financial security. Our days were filled with birthday celebrations, block parties, and endless fun, creating a picturesque setting for our son to grow up. He completed grammar school and prepared for the next stage of our lives in this idyllic environment. Skyler passed away and a visit to Wayside Waifs was to have brought a dog home. Instead, another cat, Simon (the nice one) was added to the family and turned out to be the best pet we ever had.

In 2008, on the memorable date of August 8th (08/08/08), we moved "north of the river" to our dream house, where we lived until 2020. This chapter of our lives was bittersweet, marked by the passing of parents and other dear family members, our son's high school graduation, moments of high drama and growing pains, the birth of our first grandson, and my retirement from the City after 30 years of service. Favorite family vacations included trips to San Diego, Boca Raton, San Francisco, Miami/Key West, and Seattle.

In 2020, we moved south, about a mile from our previous house, to what we now call our final home. We had intended to downsize, but with the arrival of our second grandson, we chose a home that would accommodate both us and the next generation. Sadly, this final transition coincided with the challenges of the COVID era, the loss of my mother, and Debby's myriad health issues. Yet, among these trials, we still found much joy in our son's wedding to his beloved Carolanne, Debby’s embrace of her new role as a mother-in-law and visits from grandsons James and Bellamy.

Mother

Never has a child been cherished more than our son, Austin. From the moment he entered the world, Debby devoted herself to ensuring his life was nothing short of perfect. He never experienced the discomfort of a wet diaper, wore a wrinkled shirt, had uncombed hair, or a disorganized room. Throughout his childhood, she lavished him and his friends with unwavering attention, daily “adventures,” art projects, games, treats, and toys. Our home became a hub of activity for his friends, with Mom ever-present to offer love, support, snacks, and guidance to all the children. As Austin transitioned to independence, challenges arose, but the strength of "the Landes Family" saw us through to the other side.

Grandmother (aka Grandma with the Kitty)

James (age 6) and Bellamy (age 3) were simply Debby’s favorite people in the world. James had more time in on the job, so he has effectively received a larger share of her love-to-date. Debby carefully curated each visit with the boys, ensuring they enjoyed every minute of their time with her. With her nurturing spirit, she continuously provided new activities, played wholeheartedly, and created unforgettable memories. I hope that the warmth and magic she brought to their lives remain with them as they journey into the future, carrying the loving legacy of their extraordinary grandmother.

Love of My Life

I’m unsure how to best honor the love of my life. As I type this eulogy, I am acutely aware of how our 42-year relationship has shaped every aspect of my adulthood. Our home, filled with furniture, art, décor, and photos, stands as a testament to our shared journey. From the outset, we seemed like an unlikely pair, the shy, logical "left-brain" guy beside the beautiful, creative "right-brain" girl. Yet, this perceived mismatch evolved into our greatest strength. When I was weak, she was strong. When I was cold and logical, she was warm and caring. When she felt down, I lifted her spirits; when she was unwell, I supported her health. We aligned on life's essential matters and bickered over trivial ones, always united in our values and never missing a day to say, “I love you.” We were best friends and never needed anyone but us.

She was a gentle soul in a world that often overlooks such qualities, a sincere person baffled by cruelty. A true sentimental, she had old-fashioned values, cherishing the exchange of birthday and Christmas cards and the joy of a phone conversation. Meticulous, creative, and clean, she loved art, photography, nature (especially sunsets), good food, travel, and any time spent with family. Dignified, graceful and optimistic she always believed “somebody has to win.” She had a hilarious sense of humor, and we often laughed so hard that it didn’t always end well. We didn’t just complete each other’s sentences; we inhabited each other’s brains to the point where we could correctly guess what the other was thinking or wished to do.

Her recent favorite pastime was enjoying morning coffee on our deck, where she delighted in the sight of her beloved birch trees, listening to the birds, and watching the rabbits and deer. Saturday lunches out were a highlight of her week, and I believe we have dined at every good restaurant in the city—twice. In recent years, we grew even closer, and she hated when I left the house without her, counting the hours until I returned home.

I am certain that no one in this lifetime will ever love me as much as she did, and I will miss her for as long as I live.

Memorial contributions benefiting the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in Debra’s honor (for grandson Bellamy) may be made to Debby’s Memorial Fundraiser, at https://give.cff.org/tribute/DebraLandesMemorial?tab=MyPage